The PGP board is at it again! Bigger & Better!
Welcome to our 'cries for help' art sale! Whether it be glass, pottery, porcelain, or whatever, we have the best of the worst!
Now on to my auction!
Up for bid today is this juice pitcher ceramic studio piece, handmade by Ruth Steinfeld, St. Louis, MO, says the label on the bottom. This juice pitcher, was personalized as "Juice for the Lowenstein's".
What you say could be quite so ugly about it? Well, besides it looking like some alien penguin with 2 sets of eyes, he has an ugly past. You see, the Lowensteins got him as a present. He didn't like leaving the atmosphere of the nice, warm ceramic shop. He tried to get along, though, really he did! But they started getting him into situations that he didn't like.
First, they paired him up with this ice bucket:
He thought this was just too tacky for him, can I get a little class around here? Well, the answer was no, and before long, he was hanging out in their bar, alongside some VERY strange characters!
Well, he served so many Harvey Wallbangers to this crowd, that he started to take on human features!
Well! When this started to happen to him, he became a bit bossy to the many fine pieces of ceramics that surrounded him! They got together and tried to have an 'intervention', thinking they could straighten him up.
Well, after that, he became possessed! So, the worried cat got the lady of the house to try to talk to him, but all the little juice pitcher could do was try to look down her blouse!
The lady of the house got really scared! She thought the pitcher was possessed by demons! She called on the Catholic church to come and exorcize him. But, due to the short supply of Priests these days, all they could offer was a young, innocent altar boy! He stood over him and prayed with all his might!
The little pitcher started wrangling, spewing venomous words from his wide-open mouth which had grown a forked tongue!.....it seemed to energize him! Before you know it, he had taken down the altar boy! Ate him right up! The little dog had tried to help, but you see what happened to him!
The elephant thought that he could push him around a little and get him to stop. But, it did NO good! He kept gaining strength!
The German Shepard got into the act too - he bit a hole right into his spinal column, and he is now stuck in this position as a paraplegic!
The lizard was swallowed whole....all I could see was the tip of his tail going down......
When he was finished, he let out a great big Errrrp!
We thought he was through terrorizing the household, but because he had scared the lady of the house so badly, she was about to wet her pants! She ran to the bathroom, only to find her husband going down the toilet! He was purple from the blood squishing up to his head from the force of the flush! He tried to hang on, but he was too weak from the mauling he took. Poor Mr. Lowenstein, we're gonna miss him!
Where, oh where do you think he's been spotted lately? Well, a private investigator was hot on his trail when he snapped this last shot! We had to get it out of the camera for him, because the poor private eye, I think his name was Mannix, got ate all up too! That greasy hair Mannix insisted on wearing helped the pitcher slide him right down his throat, never to be seen again! Well, enough of that, here's the last shot taken of him before his capture!
 Yep, he was spotted in the saloons and river boat casinos.......trying to pick up shapely women! But, that was his downfall.....tried picking up a lady with that forked tongue hanging out of his mouth! Well, he messed with the wrong broad this time! She was NO lady! Thelma got her stun gun out, and gave it to him about 10 times before he quit saying things like "what's your sign?" and "I hope your name is Grace, cause you look amazing!". He was then tied up and carried away to the reform kiln. They did electric shock treatments and gave him some "Vitamin H", Prozac & Lithium, with a side order of Xanax. He is now ready for adoption where he can continue to go to day treatment for deranged ceramics! Won't you please give him some loving consideration? Here's his profile, and back to get some idea of what you are getting into!
 
He's about 7 3/4 inches high. He weighs in at 2 pounds before packaging. His insides are a bright, shocking orange. His lettering can be removed, it is a decal. There are a few little spots where he is missing some paint - from all those scuffles he had with the animals. Very slight chips, but considering his strength, it's not surprising that he is barely injured!
Don't be afraid of this little pitcher - a few more trips to the shrink, and he'll be a sweetheart again!
Sorry, medications are not included! Nor are any of his little animal friends that survived the mauling. Or Mrs. Lowenstein! Be aware that his tongue has fallen off. I will include it if you'd like!
(snip)
All sales final, as I cannot have this guy in my home. All the ceramic animals are still undergoing treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder! The cost of Puppy & Pig Prozac, Kitty Klozapine, Elephant Elavil, Turtle Trazodone, Lizard Lorazepam and Turtle Tranquilizers are killing me! But really, I think the Turtles are really just drug-seekers, because they were too busy during the rampage to notice!
Any questions, feel free to e-mail me! Hurry now! Bid often & high! Thanks for looking at my auction!
Look for more items in this sale by using the keyword PGPSALE
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Diary of a Mad Little Juice Pitcher!